Monday, March 29, 2010

Glasses Gone Wrong

I've been wearing glasses since I was in first grade. I remember my first pair being a truly kickass pink and blue rainbow frames with smurfette's face on the temples. I rocked those things like nobody's business.

Strangely I remember the first time I was called four-eyes. I remember being in second grade, looking the kid straight in the face and calling him a smartass. Its amazing what we pick up from adults right!? I got in trouble, he got labeled smartass by the other kids. incidentally his new nickname stuck for years to come.

So today.. being that I have the most insane crappy spex rx out there, contacts are pretty much an out for me. I mean I can become a lab rat for the contact lens companies... but I just can't see me allowing nerds in lab coats to stab me in the eye repeatedly in order to find lenses that I could see out of.

so whats the point of this post??? People who wear glasses and have no RX should be slapped repeatedly. I don't care who you are or what your reason is behind wearing giant frames from the 80's bought at your local street cred sellin store. If you can see perfectly fine, why not leave the coolness to those of use who've paid our dues in the eyeglass wearing world!?

Did you spend your childhood being taunted for your (parent chosen) ugly frames? Did you break pairs only to be punished like crazy? Have you ever failed a driving test because you didn't want the hot guy working at the DMV to see you in your spex???

No. You haven't. You basically picked up W magazine saw Lindsay Lohatesherself wearing a giant pair of Ferragamos and decided you needed to mimick her.

Please, for the love of god and all that is holy, grow an independent backbone. I'll even grant you street cred for it.

and finally... I can only hope that soon something horrific like gecko covered genie pants come back into style just to watch the fashion suicide ensue. Please let that be the new trend for Summer 2010. I really need the laugh.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Eyelashes Galore!

Thought I'd make a quick post on eyelashes. I know every girl out there wishes her eyelashes were longer, thicker, more curly, etc. I found a trick that might be helpful to all of you out there. Now for a long time I've been totally jealous of my sister's eyelashes. She doesn't even use an eyelash curler or mascara or anything! One day while we were in the bathroom doing our makeup (me trying to perfect eyeliner and my sister, radiant in her natural beauty) I finally asked her how in the world she got her eyelashes to curl and separate perfectly. She told me that every night before bed and every morning when she wakes up she takes a simple brow comb (like this one from e.l.f.) and gets in wet with warm water and carefully combs here lashes in an upward motion while wiggling it back and forth to separate her lashes.

I have to tell you guys, I was completely flabbergasted. My sister is a genius. I tried this for a week straight and.........it worked! I was shocked but then thought a little more about it. It's like when you train your hair to fall into a new natural part. Although you have to be careful obviously because your eyes are right there. One wrong slip and *POKE* emergency room trip instead of hot date. If you are trying this trick make sure to use lukewarm water so as not to cause any damage to your very sensitive eye area. And take the time and be gentle! The area around the eyes is very fragile. Just gently comb your eyelashes up while moving the comb back and forth. The word for today people is GENTLE! If you have anymore ideas like this one on how to make yourself beautiful please post a comment or two people!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Shoes Are My Drug

I have been thinking the last few weeks over outfits. I surf the Internet looking at clothes and fashion, I read magazines on accessories, I even look up which makeup looks best with which colors. And in all my research and reading I've come to the conclusion that, in my case, I always start building my outfit with shoes.

Now don't get me wrong, there is always that perfect top that fits in all the right places or the pants that make your butt look fantastic, but for me it has been and always will be shoes. I think I have around one hundred pairs of shoes. Seriously, it's like some sort of drug, and I thought I might share how I pick an outfit based on shoes and how I pick out shoes.

First of all I should mention when it comes to shoes I am not afraid of color. I mean I have shoes ranging from bright green to fire engine red to multi-colored straps flying everywhere. I express myself through the color of accessories. If the shoes don't have a lot color then I require a lot texture and design like this. And if they come with both, then I must own them.

OK, when picking an outfit I have some strict rules that I follow. Now these rules are for my body. Also some of my rules are strange and funny. If you'd like to share your strange and funny rules about fashion please feel free to post in the comments.

Rule number one: Ankle boots are only to be worn with skinny jeans or a short skirt/dress/shorts. That way it accentuates how long my legs are. Here we see Kim Kardashian in the skinny jeans look. And Nicky Hilton wearing tights with her mini dress and boots look.

Rule number two: While wearing a neutral or dark colored dress always always always go for the loudest color shoes possible. Black and neutral colors give you a base to build upon. So do simply cut dresses. Here we see Rihanna matching black with red in a funky way with lace gloves and a short black party dress.

Rule number three: This may sound like a crazy one but I throw it out there........white shoes after labor day are a no-no. Just because I saw the movie Serial Mom and even though it's meant to be funny it scared the crappola out of me! It might just be because I'm a big wimp. (I'd like to mention that this rule is only for those people out there that truly think Serial Mom could happen!)

Rule number four: I have never and will never wear gladiator sandals. On someone as tall as me I literally look like an amazon. All I need is a leather breastplate and I could be Xena's sidekick. Now they might look good on people shorter and tiny, but for me being 6'2",, it just does not work. Mary-Kate Olsen is probably tiny enough to pull these off.

Lastly, rule number five: When matching accessories to an outfit or shoes, I make sure they compliment each other but don't exactly match. I like the POW of color, but being too matchy matchy with accessories makes me feel like I'm being dressed by my grandmother. Now Don;t get me wrong, I love both my grandmothers, but they were raised in a different time and fashion era. A time when they wore gloves going out of the house and matched shoes with handbags. Now I love the fashion of the fifties and sixties, but adding your own twist to the outfit and fashion is what makes it fun.

Above all else you just need to be able to look in the mirror and like what you see. If it's fun and its you, then you did a great job. Be proud! And please feel free to post pictures and comments. We love to see fashion of all kind!


(Also, if you are afraid of Serial Mom, post that too. I don't want to be alone in this!)

Saturday, October 3, 2009

DIY french

Quick post on my diy manicure. Since getting my acrylics taken off several months ago, I'm slightly obsessed with nail polish. While waiting on my next client today, I found Sally Hansen's French Manicure Pen.



First I applied a coat of "Sheer Strawberry" polish. Since I only wanted one coat, I didn't have to wait long for it to dry. Then I applied the white tip. I waited about 5 minutes then applied a coat of Orly's Glosser on top. I'm not a pro yet, and it took me two tries, but I don't think it looks half bad! Plus I'm not out $30 for a manicure. Check it:



Saturday night with my nail polish. I'm so exciting I can barely stand myself.

Crater Face

Have you ever been called this??? Now most of the time its a slur referring to the scars on someone's face from "picking". yeah.. we've all popped a pimple or twelve, but picking is something worse.

Well this post has nothing to do with that!! hah I'm such the queen of bait n' switch.

I want to talk about pores. The ones on your face. The ones that should look like they aren't even there. The ones that look like craters housing strange black headed aliens thriving off the oils of your skin.

Have I thoroughly grossed you out yet?

I have a problem... I have medium to large pores. Large enough for me to see in the mirror without magnification. Large enough to see through certain makeups which means THEY ARE DEEP!!! and I've always wanted to do something about it. Sadly, cash is a nasty factor in my face regime.

Today I stumbled across Dr. Brandt who, in all honesty, looks as though Nip Tuck is holding his face together, is a world renown dermatologist whose created a line that might just save our skin! maybe its not plastic surgery.. maybe it's his own products that give him that freshly pulled back look. I'm not sure. All I know is he has a full service line of facial joy and I want. I WANT I WANT I WANT!!

His Crease Release wrinkle relaxer cream is 150.00$ a pot.. yes.. that much. That is from his most famous line the House Calls line which is supposed to mimic what he does to famous people's faces.. in your own home.

But the line I'm interested in, is the Pores No More line. Its almost revolutionary and I am reading nothing but rave reviews... Sooo.. The entire line is just as expensive as any other high end line on the market, but much less than his House Calls line.

I want them all... BUT!! I only need two of the items;

The Pore Refiner minimizes and refines pores to an almost flawless look


The Pores No More Vacuum Cleaner which sounds totally gross but really its just an acid based product that loosens blackheads, sucks up oil and tightens those pores.. and it might even exfoliate LOL

But dear god do I want.

So this is my next "I really can't afford this" purchase and I cannot wait to see results.

I'll let you know.

Monday, September 28, 2009

For the Love of Fur!



Every fall the debate rages on about the one thing the world is totally split on.

FUR!

I'll admit it, I own one faux fur mink coat, one jean jacket lined in fur, and one vintage (the real deal) cloak in fox fur. I apologize for the last, it was an impulse buy at a vintage store in Santa Barbara, California and, in all honesty, it looked so good I no longer cared. The cloak is a good 50 years old!






This is the fake fur...





Well Fur is a dangerous item to own! You have to know when to wear it, how to use it and who's selling it the right way!

For those of us out there who are all about the real deal (yes there are closet real fur addicts) you can always find it in the world of Haute Couture!

Miu Miu makes a pair (get this!) of mink heels... yes.. MINK HEELS!!! You can see this in a copy of the October 09 Elle magazine.. page 177. Yeah. I'm That specific. heh.

There are fur clutches, fur hats, fur coats, fur trimmed tops, sweaters, dresses, fur trimmed boots, I even remember seeing some overzealous woman sporting a pair fo fur trimmed jeans. Why? I have no idea. I didn't bother to ask her what the hell she was thinking.

Valentino...



Prada...



Marc Jacobs...



When shopping for fur and wearing it, you must remember PIMP isn't in. Classic, classy and sophisticated looks are what rule the runways these days. This fall is all about black and dark and steampunk overflow onto the world of high fashion, so know what you're buying before you buy it and be objective when trying it on. If you look like Snoop Dog and feel that you should be carrying a huge glittering goblet full of Henny with that coat, PUT IT DOWN!!!

Anyway, Fur isn't murder if its fake... and I have to ask myself why spend soo much on real fur if you can find a furer who works with fake fur and makes it look soo real people can't tell? You know its a damned good job if you step out on the streets and someone douses your fake fur coat in red paint screaming fur is murder.

I personally like my fur in small doses. A collar maybe, trim on a hat, a clutch. I used to own a pair of Via Spiga fur ankle boots. The fur coat I have almost never gets worn. and No.. I won't sell it! Don't ask me why. its like the signature piece in my clothing museum called a closet.

But no matter what type of fur you wear take care of it. brush it gently. store it sealed away from bugs and dust and whatnot that can destroy your investment. Try to keep it clean because, lets face it, cleaning fur (fake or real) is murder.

heh.

hahahah.

yeah I'm smooth.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

dang

Apparently, none of us are feeling very fashionable lately.